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Did you read the other bidet descriptions and think they were silly?
Is your birthday cake out of a box and always with a symbolic single candle in the middle?
If you get an ice cream cone with three scoops, are they all vanilla?
Then look no further, this is the bidet for you.
This is the one and only original Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidet color. The Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidet in White is....bland. Even though it is in search of a personality quirk it will still impress all your friends who poop in the woods. This is the bidet that will not intimidate your friends. Your friends will just take it into their hands and roll around in their palms as the sun lights hits it hoping for some kind of reflection but there is none. It's an unimpressive color that allows you to focus on the simplicity of the design. If you are using a bidet for the first time, sometimes the majestic nature of the other colors can make you lose focus and throws off your aim. Our legal team no longer allows us to add a reflex sight to this white bidet, but you hackers can add your own if you think it will improve your aim. And one early Holey Hiker Bidet tester stated, "it looks like something stolen from a hospital. * " I am not sure it that is good or bad, but we can no longer confirm or deny the origins of the white bidet.
One great feature of this bidet is that it can also be used as a low flow shower head in the backcountry to clean up after a long day's hike. Washes the salt and grime right off!
3 dudes from the city are hiking when they come across a set of tracks.
The first dude says, “These are deer tracks,” the other says, “I think they’re moose tracks”. The third one says, “You’re both wrong, these are elk tracks.”
They were still arguing about it when the train hit them.
Here is what one of the testers had to say:
"I’m back from my thru hike of Switzerland across the Alps. The Holey Hiker Bidet became one of my most important and precious piece of gear during this trip. It worked amazingly. I deeply love it and I can’t imagine hiking without it in the future. Thank you so much Paul for your great creation!" Bruno
* We do not advocate stealing things from hospitals.
Here comes the product description that is repeated on every page. While they are important to read, if you read it once, that is enough.
The Holey Hiker Ultralight Backpacking Bidet is made from "ABS-like resin" which can take more pounding than an average backpacker would ever dish out. Click here to see one of our many strength tests. This is the strongest of the Holey Hiker Bidets and the one you want to face the apocalypse with. If you are a prepper, this belongs next to your dog in the back of your truck as you flee the city for your cabin hidden in the woods. Please note that the bidet does not come with a painted arrow. A Sharpie will last multiple trips, but your favorite nail polish will last a long, long time. The Squirt weighs 7g or .24 oz. Price includes shipping and handling.
Until you get the hang of it, wet the o-rings before placing into your bottle.
International customers please click here for ordering instructions!
If you have any questions please email Paul at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you would like to pay with Crypto please click here
Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidets are lovingly designed and 3D printed in the USA in a tiny little room in my house. The Holey Hiker Ultralight Backpacking Bidet is made from "ABS-like resin" which can take more pounding than an average backpacker would ever dish out. Click here to see one of our many strength tests. The O-rings are FDA grade seals. These are more commonly called “food grade seals” which resist the build-up of bacteria. These are not the same 0-rings that you can pick up at a hardware store. I tried those...they will quickly degrade and crack :) Each bidet weighs approximately 7g. Because they are made from resin, you can not leave them in sunlight for prolonged periods of time. So you can't hang it from your rear view mirror, store it outside on your deck, or hang it outside your backpack on your year long thru hike :) That said, after leaving some out for 5 straight sunny days this summer we did not notice any additional weakness in our "rock meets bidet" testing. Please keep in mind that these are not pressed by the 1000's in a factory. I make them at my house which means each bidet is unique and might have a small quirk, a small indent, a little spot where I sanded down a rough patch, which does not take away from the beauty of the four hole spray.
Hello and welcome to Holey Hiker Bidets! I'm Paul Bogush the designer, creator, lead tester, and CEO (Chief Elimination Officer) of Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidets. After using a few other bidets I realized that not one had all the features I was looking for. None had the right combination of durability, ease of use, low water usage, and the perfect stream. I decided to start designing and testing my own in December 2020. Each time I went out I made a small change and then came home and fired up the 3D printer to make the improvements based on my experience and the experiences and feedback from testers all around the country. After one last outing on the Appalachian Trail in June of 2020, I had what I thought was the perfect backpacking bidet...but a tester had it eventually crack after long term testing. After another year of prototyping and experimenting with different plastics the final prototype was finally made in July of 2021 and sales to our waiting list and anyone who happen to stumble upon the website began. Our "grand opening" finally occurred on November 19, 2021.
For every bidet sold we will donate $.50 to Common Ground Summer Camp to pay for the fees of one student to attend Common Ground Summer Camp's Ranger program. You can read more about the program here https://bit.ly/3hNWnJs As (edit 7/7/22) In a couple weeks on a day off from work I will be delivering the first check for $330. This is a Camp that our daughter has attended as a child, worked at as a staff member, and will be a teacher and assistant teacher in two of their full year programs starting this fall. We think it is great!
We are the only seller of the Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidet. All other sites are selling imitations! Holey Hiker Bidets are designed and manufactured in a little corner of my house in Connecticut, USA.
And finally, if I haven't convinced you that a bidet is life changing, then listen to Evan!
"Just get one and thank me later. Honestly, I am amazed I have not heard more about bidets for backpacking. I used Paul's bidet for just over 3 weeks while on the Colorado trail and I have to tell you my butt has never been happier. In the past I have had monkey butt issues but using this little bidet and a little bit of washing with some Dr Bronner's, I did not have any butt chaffing issues at all. It's small light and has officially replaced wet wipes in my pack. I also cut my toilet paper usage to about 2 squares per day using this bidet. Paul has been working to perfect his product and I think he nailed it. This bidet is going to be in my pack forever, provided I don't lose it. (Seriously it's small). Once you hop on the bidet train there is no going back and you're going to say to yourself, 'I should have bought one of these sooner.' Trust me."
If your bidet malfunctions or gets destroyed by a bear, we will give you a full refund or a new bidet. If you just have bad aim that's on you! We package the bidets the weekend after receiving the order and get them in the mail the following Monday. You will be sent a confirmation email with the shipping # after it is packed. If we are out backpacking shipments will be delayed by one week...unless we get lost, but that rarely happens anymore!
Please keep in mind that you will receive no cutesy note or extra packing material to cut down on waste. You will get just a bidet in a little bag :)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be patient with shipping. We can ship a bidet to California in 5 days one week, and then ship one the following week that will take a month. Around holiday time all bets are off :) Sometimes when the USPS takes our packages they scan them in immediately and other times the first scan is at your regional PO. If you do not receive a bidet within 4 weeks of ordering please contact us and we will ship out a new one. Ignore the 3-5 day shipping time that is stated in the automated email with your shipping #. That is just a very loose USPS goal. The average has been four days but there are so many exceptions. Many bidets will take 2 weeks or more. Once you get an email saying we have created the shipping label it is usually in the mail the NEXT day. Approximately 1-2% of all packages are lost by the USPS. That is out of our control and sending a new one after four weeks is the best we can do!