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You drive a Subaru just in case the bridge is out and you need to cross the river. Flannel is your fabric of choice. Avocado toast is your breakfast of champions. I made the Kinda Green Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidet just for you. This modern pastel color fits perfectly into your lumberjack lifestyle even though the only lumber you might acquire is from a big box store that you struggle to get home because all you own is that little Subaru. You may have bought your jeans with rips already in them, and the grease stains on your shirt are from olive oil, but your butt will never be cleaner because you will be packin' a Holey Hiker Kinda Green Backpacking Bidet. Nothing, and I mean nothing is better than being out in the backcountry, setting up camp, finding a spot to use your Kinda Green Bidet, and then coming back to camp to enjoy a jar of your own home brewed Kombucha. And it you need one more reason to purchase this bidet, it's now my wife's favorite color.
I know what you are thinking after looking at the picture...."It's not Kinda Green it's Kinda Blue!" It's a tough bidet to photograph. Officially it's Kinda Green, but it does lean towards the blueish side of the spectrum.
Here is what one tester had to say:
"Just get one and thank me later. Honestly, I am amazed I have not heard more about bidets for backpacking. I used Paul's bidet for just over 3 weeks while on the Colorado trail and I have to tell you my butt has never been happier. In the past I have had monkey butt issues, but using this little bidet and a little bit of washing with some Dr Bronner's, I did not have any butt chaffing issues at all. It's small light and has officially replaced wet wipes in my pack. I also cut my toilet paper usage to about 2 squares per day using this bidet. Paul has been working to perfect his product and I think he nailed it. This bidet is going to be in my pack forever, provided I don't lose it. (Seriously it's small). Once you hop on the bidet train there is no going back and you're going to say to yourself, "I should have bought one of these sooner." Trust me. "
If you have read all the description on the other pages, what follows is the same thing one more time.
This Bidet is made from "ABS-like resin" which can take more pounding than an average backpacker would ever dish out. Click here to see one of our many strength tests. Like the original Squirt, this is the strongest of the Holey Hiker Bidets and the one you want to face the apocalypse with. If you are a prepper, this belongs next to your dog in the back of your truck as you flee the city for your cabin hidden in the woods. Please note that the bidet does not come with a painted arrow. A Sharpie will last multiple trips, but your favorite nail polish will last a long, long time. The Squirt weighs 7g or .24 oz. Price includes shipping and handling.
Until you get the hang of it, wet the o-rings before placing into your bottle.
International customers please click here for ordering instructions!
If you have any questions please email Paul at email@example.com
If you would like to pay with Crypto please click here
Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidets are lovingly designed and 3D printed in the USA in a tiny little room in my house. It is made from "ABS-like resin" which can take more pounding than an average backpacker would ever dish out. Click here to see one of our many strength tests. The O-rings are FDA grade seals. These are more commonly called “food grade seals” which resist the build-up of bacteria. These are not the same 0-rings that you can pick up at a hardware store. Each bidet weighs approximately 7g. Because they are made from resin, you cannot leave them in sunlight for prolonged periods of time. So you can't hang it from your rear view mirror, store it outside on your deck, or hang it outside your backpack on your year long thru hike :) That said, after leaving some out for 5 straight sunny days this summer we did not notice any additional weakness in our "rock meets bidet" testing. Please keep in mind that these are not pressed by the 1000's in a factory. I make them at my house which means each bidet is unique and might have a small quirk, a small indent, a little spot where I sanded down a rough patch, which does not take away from the beauty of the four hole spray.
Hello and welcome to Holey Hiker Bidets! I'm Paul Bogush the designer, creator, lead tester, and CEO (Chief Elimination Officer) of Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidets. After using a few other bidets I realized that not one had all the features I was looking for. None had the right combination of durability, ease of use, low water usage, and the perfect stream. I decided to start designing and testing my own in December 2020. Each time I went out I made a small change and then came home and fired up the 3D printer to make the improvements based on my experience and the experiences and feedback from testers all around the country. After one last outing on the Appalachian Trail in June of 2020, I had what I thought was the perfect backpacking bidet...but a tester had it eventually crack after long term testing. After another year of prototyping and experimenting with different plastics the final prototype was finally made in July of 2021 and sales to our waiting list and anyone who happen to stumble upon the website began. Our "grand opening" finally occurred on November 19, 2021.
We are the only seller of the Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidet. All other sites are selling imitations! Holey Hiker Bidets are designed and manufactured in a little corner of my house in Connecticut, USA.
And finally, if I haven't convinced you that a bidet is life changing, then listen to Evan!
"Just get one and thank me later. Honestly, I am amazed I have not heard more about bidets for backpacking. I used Paul's bidet for just over 3 weeks while on the Colorado trail and I have to tell you my butt has never been happier. In the past I have had monkey butt issues but using this little bidet and a little bit of washing with some Dr Bronner's, I did not have any butt chaffing issues at all. It's small light and has officially replaced wet wipes in my pack. I also cut my toilet paper usage to about 2 squares per day using this bidet. Paul has been working to perfect his product and I think he nailed it. This bidet is going to be in my pack forever, provided I don't lose it. (Seriously it's small). Once you hop on the bidet train there is no going back and you're going to say to yourself, 'I should have bought one of these sooner.' Trust me."
If your bidet malfunctions or gets destroyed by a bear, we will give you a full refund or a new bidet. If you just have bad aim that's on you! We package the bidets the weekend after receiving the order and get them in the mail the following Monday. You will be sent a confirmation email with the shipping # after it is packed. If we are out backpacking shipments will be delayed by one week...unless we get lost, but that rarely happens anymore!
Please keep in mind that you will receive no cutesy note or extra packing material to cut down on waste. You will get just a bidet in a little bag :)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be patient with shipping. We can ship a bidet to California in 5 days one week, and then ship one the following week that will take a month. Around holiday time all bets are off :) Sometimes when the USPS takes our packages they scan them in immediately and other times the first scan is at your regional PO. If you do not receive a bidet within 4 weeks of ordering please contact us and we will ship out a new one. Ignore the 3-5 day shipping time that is stated in the automated email with your shipping #. That is just a very loose USPS goal. The average has been four days but there are so many exceptions. Many bidets will take 2 weeks or more. Once you get an email saying we have created the shipping label it is usually in the mail the NEXT day. Approximately 1-2% of all packages are lost by the USPS. That is out of our control and sending a new one after four weeks is the best we can do!