I Wanna be a Lumberjack Bidet

$13.75
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Please see the "Maker's Policies" tab for information on shipping times! 

About this Product

You drive a Subaru just in case the bridge is out and you need to cross the river.  Flannel is your fabric of choice.  Avocado toast is your breakfast of champions.  I made the I Wanna Be a Lumberjack Bidet just for you.  This modern mustard like color fits perfectly into your lumberjack lifestyle even though the only lumber you might acquire is from a big box store that you struggle to get home because all you own is that little Subaru.  You may have bought your jeans with rips already in them, and the grease stains on your shirt are from olive oil, but your butt will never be cleaner because you will be packin' a Holey Hiker I Wanna Be a Lumberjack Bidet. Nothing, and I mean nothing is better than setting up camp, finding a spot to use your I Wanna Be a Lumberjack Bidet, and then coming back to camp to enjoy a jar of your own home brewed Kombucha.  It's the epitome of outdoor bliss.

And here's the clincher: it's my wife's favorite color, adding an extra layer of approval to this must-have accessory for your car camping adventures.

Now, I know what you might be thinking as you glance at the picture... "Isn't this just the Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidet?" But take a closer look—it's customized just for you.

Here is what one tester had to say:

"Just get one and thank me later. Honestly, I am amazed I have not heard more about bidets for backpacking. I used Paul's bidet for just over 3 weeks while on the Colorado trail and I have to tell you my butt has never been happier. In the past I have had monkey butt issues, but using this little bidet and a little bit of washing with some Dr Bronner's, I did not have any butt chaffing issues at all. It's small light and has officially replaced wet wipes in my pack. I also cut my toilet paper usage to about 2 squares per day using this bidet. Paul has been working to perfect his product and I think he nailed it. This bidet is going to be in my pack forever, provided I don't lose it. (Seriously it's small). Once you hop on the bidet train there is no going back and you're going to say to yourself, "I should have bought one of these sooner." Trust me. "Evan

There are three videos you should watch:

  • CLICK HERE to see a ridiculously long video that I made explaining how to use the Holey Hiker Bidet. 

  • CLICK HERE to see a video about how to put the bidet in and out of a bottle 

  • And you can CLICK RIGHT HERE to see a video about the new bidet.

International customers please click here for ordering instructions!

Click here to see where the Holey Hiker Bidets are being used! 

Are you gifting? CLICK HERE for a little something to put in the package 

If you have any questions, please email Paul at paulthebackpacker@gmail.com

If you would like to pay with Crypto please click here

Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidets

Bethany, CT

Meet the Maker

Hello and welcome to Holey Hiker Bidets! I'm Paul Bogush the designer, creator, lead tester, and CEO (Chief Elimination Officer) of Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidets.  After using a few other bidets I realized that not one had all the features I was looking for.  None had the right combination of durability, ease of use, low water usage, and the perfect stream.  I decided to start designing and testing my own in December 2020.  Each time I went out I made a small change and then came home and fired up the 3D printer to make the improvements based on my experience and the experiences and feedback from testers all around the country. After one last outing on the Appalachian Trail in June of 2020, I had what I thought was the perfect backpacking bidet...but testers started to report that it would crack after about a year's worth of use.  After another year of prototyping and experimenting with different plastics the final prototype was finally made in July of 2021 and sales to our waiting list and anyone who happen to stumble upon the website began. Our "grand opening" finally occurred on November 19, 2021.

In June of 2023 we closed the shop and I set out to improve the design and make it stronger, lighter, and improve the spray. I decided to use a injection molding process which meant getting a crash course in how to take my 3D printed design and convert it to a design that could be injection molded. For those of you that design and make, it was going from Tinkercad to SolidWorks :) Finally in January the current version was finally approved, mold created, and the first 25 prototypes were made and tested.  The current version of the bidet started being sold in March of 2024 and are made at a family run business right here in Connecticut. It is a one man show so please be patient with shipping and correspondence. 

We are the only seller of the Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidet.  All other sites selling four-hole bidets are selling imitations!  Feel free to point them out and I'll gladly tell you why their imitation design is inferior.  




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How it’s Made

After four years of prototyping and manufacturing bidets in a corner of my house, I am now working with a local family-owned business to make the plastic part of the bidets with final assembly at my house. The plastic for the bidets is manufactured in Texas. The O-rings are FDA grade seals. There are no O-rings manufactured in the USA! They’re from the Philippines :) If you purchased a bidet within the last four years, there will be some slight changes you might notice. 

  • It now weighs only 4 grams
  • The spray pattern is slightly different. I think you'll notice that you get clean faster
  • The arrow on top is more prominent. Please note that the bidet does not come with a painted arrow. A Sharpie will last multiple trips, but your favorite nail polish will last a long, long time. 

The bidets are designed with Smartwater bottles in mind but work with pretty much any plastic "water bottle" except for the very cheap store brand or dollar store bottles. 

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Shop Policies

If your bidet malfunctions or gets destroyed by a bear within 900 days of buying it, we will send out a new bidet to you. If it breaks after 900 days and you have a really good story about how it got destroyed, please share it with us. If it's interesting enough, I'll share it at the dinner table with the family and have them vote on whether a free replacement should be sent out. 

We package the bidets the weekend after receiving the order and get them in the mail the following Monday...usually. Like 98% of the time.

You will be sent a confirmation email with the shipping # after it is packed. 

Please keep in mind that you will receive no cutesy note or extra packing material to cut down on waste. You will get just a bidet in a little box wrapped in a single piece of paper :) 

If you do not receive a bidet within 3 weeks of ordering, please contact us and we will ship out a new one.  

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