About this Product
If you have not already seen it, there is a ridiculously long winded how-to video that I made explaining how to use the Holey Hiker Bidet.
After going through the prototyping and testing of the original Holey Hiker Bidet I tried all different colors of plastic. I made a batch with one particular color and thought they were just plain ol' ugly and I was a little depressed about wasting money. I figured why not put them up for sale and try to recoup some of my costs. They sold out in a week. Of course, that color was Kinda Clear Ugly Green. More than a year later it remains one of the most popular colors.
There is no reason you should pick this color.
It will blend in when you drop it in the grass*, it neither sparkles or shines, it's just this ugly weird somewhat translucent clear color. If you bought like ten of them and put them into a bowl people would thing you have an ugly bowl of sea glass. It's like everyone else walking around with a purebred dog and you're pooping with the ugly puppy. And therein lies the problem. Everyone would want to put their hands through the ugly bowl of sea glass, everyone would prefer to pet the ugly puppy. You will not be able to take this bidet out at a campsite because it will attract too much unwarranted attention.
It's my Ugly Kinda Clear Green Holey Hiker bidet.
Can I touch it?
No, no you can't touch my bidet you weirdo.
Do you really want to attract that kind of attention every time you poop??? Consider yourself warned....
You might end up coming back to buy a second just to have for a decoration. Check out this email from one of Holey Hiker's favorite poopers:
I just wanted to send a thank you note for my holey hiker bidets! Gah! They are gorgeous and functional.
My first trip with them will be in a month and I cannot wait. I got the "kinda ugly green one", but I call it an emerald!
I've actually been keeping one on my desk for decoration...
now if that isn't a positive review for a bidet I don't know what is! ~-Hannah
*If you do drop it in the grass and lose it, you are probably pooping in the middle of someone's lawn or field and should have pooped more responsibly.
Here is what one of the testers had to say:
"I really like that I can position the bidet behind me and still check that it's aimed correctly before pulling the trigger." Andrew
And here is what one of the first people to purchase the Ugly Green said about it:
"I love the beautiful sea glass color. Who knew a portable bidet could be so non-ugly?!?!"
Here comes the product description that is repeated on every page. While they are important to read, if you read it once, that is enough.
The Holey Hiker Ultralight Backpacking Bidet is made from "ABS-like resin" which can take more pounding than an average backpacker would ever dish out. Click here to see one of our many strength tests. This is the strongest of the Holey Hiker Bidets and the one you want to face the apocalypse with. If you are a prepper, this belongs next to your dog in the back of your truck as you flee the city for your cabin hidden in the woods. Please note that the bidet does not come with a painted arrow. A Sharpie will last multiple trips, but your favorite nail polish will last a long, long time. The Squirt weighs 7g or .24 oz. Price includes shipping and handling.
Until you get the hang of it, wet the o-rings before placing into your bottle.
International customers please click here for ordering instructions!
If you have any questions please email Paul at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you would like to pay with Crypto please click here
Meet the Maker
Hello and welcome to Holey Hiker Bidets! I'm Paul Bogush the designer, creator, lead tester, and CEO (Chief Elimination Officer) of Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidets. After using a few other bidets I realized that not one had all the features I was looking for. None had the right combination of durability, ease of use, low water usage, and the perfect stream. I decided to start designing and testing my own in December 2020. Each time I went out I made a small change and then came home and fired up the 3D printer to make the improvements based on my experience and the experiences and feedback from testers all around the country. After one last outing on the Appalachian Trail in June of 2020, I had what I thought was the perfect backpacking bidet...but a tester had it eventually crack after long term testing. After another year of prototyping and experimenting with different plastics the final prototype was finally made in July of 2021 and sales to our waiting list and anyone who happen to stumble upon the website began. Our "grand opening" finally occurred on November 19, 2021.
We are the only seller of the Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidet. All other sites are selling imitations! Holey Hiker Bidets are designed and manufactured in a little corner of my house in Connecticut, USA.
And finally, if I haven't convinced you that a bidet is life changing, then listen to Evan!
"Just get one and thank me later. Honestly, I am amazed I have not heard more about bidets for backpacking. I used Paul's bidet for just over 3 weeks while on the Colorado trail and I have to tell you my butt has never been happier. In the past I have had monkey butt issues but using this little bidet and a little bit of washing with some Dr Bronner's, I did not have any butt chaffing issues at all. It's small light and has officially replaced wet wipes in my pack. I also cut my toilet paper usage to about 2 squares per day using this bidet. Paul has been working to perfect his product and I think he nailed it. This bidet is going to be in my pack forever, provided I don't lose it. (Seriously it's small). Once you hop on the bidet train there is no going back and you're going to say to yourself, 'I should have bought one of these sooner.' Trust me."
How it’s Made
Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidets are lovingly designed and 3D printed in the USA in a tiny little room in my house. It is made from "ABS-like resin" which can take more pounding than an average backpacker would ever dish out. Click here to see one of our many strength tests. The O-rings are FDA grade seals. These are more commonly called “food grade seals” which resist the build-up of bacteria. They are not regular "hardware store" o-rings. I tried those...they will quickly degrade and crack :) Each bidet weighs approximately 7g. Because they are made from resin, you can not leave them in sunlight for prolonged periods of time. So you can't hang it from your rear view mirror, store it outside on your deck, or hang it outside your backpack on your year long thru hike :) That said, after leaving some out for 5 straight sunny days this summer we did not notice any additional weakness in our "rock meets bidet" testing. Please keep in mind that these are not pressed by the 1000's in a factory. I make them at my house which means each bidet is unique and might have a small quirk, a small indent, a little spot where I sanded down a rough patch, which does not take away from the beauty of the four hole spray.
If your bidet malfunctions or gets destroyed by a bear, we will give you a full refund or a new bidet. If you just have bad aim that's on you! We package the bidets the weekend after receiving the order and get them in the mail the following Monday unless otherwise stated on the product pages. You will be sent a confirmation email with the shipping # after it is packed.
Please keep in mind that you will receive no cutesy note or extra packing material to cut down on waste. You will get just a bidet in a little box :)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be patient with shipping. We can ship a bidet to California in 3 days one week, and then ship one the following week that will take 14 days. Around holiday times all bets are off :) Sometimes when the USPS takes our packages and scan them in immediately and other times the first scan is at your regional PO. If you do not receive a bidet within 3 weeks of ordering please contact us and we will ship out a new one. Ignore the 3-5 day shipping time that is stated in the automated email with your shipping #. That is just a very loose USPS goal. The current average is 3-5 days but there are so many exceptions. Some bidets will take 2 weeks or more. Approximately 1-2% of all packages are lost by the USPS. That is out of our control and sending a new one after four weeks is the best we can do!